Unconfirmed reports were received today, 1 April, about a council plan to revolutionise refuse collection. The indications are that this will involve litter being divided into 14 different categories with each resident receiving 7 highly coloured bins. Each street will have a different collection schedule and a different colour scheme with the aim of turning refuse collection into street art. Residents will be able to download an app for £10 which will help them to navigate these schedules.
An anonymous source said; “if your property value is over £800k you will get the app for free as your time is obviously too valuable to waste on working this out manually. We had planned to do it this year but the leap year messed up the algorithm. Apart from making the area more beautiful it will help recycling rates although we know that global warming is a load of tree-hugging tosh. Anyway if it doesn’t work out we will just blame the EU and Gordon Brown as usual”.